Jokes Are Poems, Too

Well, do you know the one about the man who fell off the cliff? And on the way down, he happened to grab on to a very thin branch in the mountainside. Do you know this one — about praying to God because there was nobody else around? [Laughs]

See, I've already threatened you. [Laughs]

So this guy is finally praying to God. He says, "Please, God, help me out here. Tell me what I should do." And God says, "Hello, my son. I will help you. Just let go of the branch and I will see that you are safe." And the man cries out, "Isn't there anybody else up there I can talk to?" [Laughs]

See how that works? Did you see that? I threatened you.

(from: McSweeney's, interview begins here.)

RIP Kurt Vonnegut, who told some pretty good jokes and made some pretty smart threats.

Can't Buy Me Bulbs

Am I the only one who loves to read catalogs? Evidently not. From the Morning News, a lovely essay on the language of seed catalogs by Jessica Francis Kane, perfect for a sunny-but-still-cold (sort of) morning in April, when I am lonely for the smell of broken ground. Luckily, she brings it around to books, which I have plenty of:

For a scarlet beauty called the Prince of Austria: “It’s one of history’s most fragrant tulips (violets? orange blossoms?), and on a sunny day it will draw you across the garden.”

I like that poetic parenthetical, reaching yet failing to define the scent. Would that book publishers’ catalogs were sometimes so honest and vague. For the next wunderkind’s debut: “It’s one of the decade’s most forceful novels (sledge hammer? Norman Mailer?), and if you leave it open on your nightstand it will draw you a mongoose.”

Read the whole thing here.

On Globalization

Tom Jones' enduring popularity
Bonded to the sari loom
Scots oil worker held in NigeriaFacing Glastonbury ticket torture
UK man released from
Guantanamo

Source

One of the marvelous things about Britain having recently owned so very much of the world is that all news is local news. Just like your local TV news hour, the BBC shifts without warning or transition from the grave to the absurd -- you can almost hear the sudden changes in the voice of the anchor reading from the teleprompter, varying pitch and tempo midsentence, like a calliope cranking up and winding down.

I find this particular list of the top 5 most emailed stories (at that particular moment, which is why the link is to a screenshot instead of the original website) satisfying from a technical point of view. The lines may be read as separate thoughts or combined to form sentences, such as:

Tom Jones' enduring popularity bonded to the sari loom.

and

Facing Glastonbury ticket torture, UK man released from Guantanamo.

and so forth, as if a comment on the interconnectedness of life in an era where ideas cover continents in an instant. There is a real cleverness to the combinations, for is the popularity of Tom Jones (or any other entertainer) not dependent on a supply of cheap imported goods, which gives his fans the leisure to appreciate him? And by accepting the role of citizen rather than revolutionary, do we trade Guantanamo for a bureaucratic gilded cage?